Friday, June 19, 2009

White


White.

Not harsh, gleaming white, but pleasant. Soft. I wasn´t thinking in words, though. This was merely a sensation, vague and distant like a memory once held.

Much later, I was flying inside white, sun-lit clouds. I couldn´t see the sun, but I knew I was inside a cloud so I had to be flying. Even then, words didn´t exist. It was just a vague image in my mind, flying in the clouds, even though I wasn´t sure I knew what clouds were, but it didn´t matter. It was all right.

It went on for a long time.

Every now and then I felt something strange, not pleasant, but I didn´t know what it was. Eventually, it always went away. Little by little, however, I grew worried, as it seemed that the feeling kept growing stronger whenever it came back. Then, I don´t know when, I realized that there wasn´t just one but many different unpleasant feelings, one after another. They all went away after a while, however, so I stopped worrying too much. I was in the clouds, after all.

Then, I was breathing. I didn´t like it. And it didn´t work well; the clouds were very high now, and there wasn´t enough air. I was afraid. If I went any higher, bad things would happen. I lay still, and focused on breathing, afraid.

Time passed.

The clouds slowly grew thicker, and I was less afraid when breathing became easier. Maybe I wouldn´t fly so high any more. I couldn´t be sure, though.

Gradually I realized that I had a body. I could feel it. I had two – they were called arms, I thought – and two, what, legs? The unpleasant feelings were often somewhere in the middle. And in my head. Sometimes.

More time passed.

There were times when I wasn´t in the clouds. When I returned, I knew I had been somewhere else, but I couldn´t remember anything. The return was called waking up, but from where? It was very confusing. I watched the clouds and soon I wasn´t thinking about it any longer.

At another time I woke up and realized that what I´d thought were clouds, were in fact white walls. I was flying in an airplane! It was a big airplane because the walls weren´t very close. Where was I going? I´d been flying for a long, long time, so long that I would have reached any place already. So I had to be flying for fun. I never saw anyone, though. Who was flying the plane?

I flew around the world a couple more times. That´s when I realized that I could move my eyes and look around. I´d been wrong. This wasn´t an airplane, it was a movie theater. There were three white walls, and on the fourth there was a large screen, with splashes of black and blue and white. I couldn´t figure out what movie they were showing, but it didn´t matter. Nothing much was happening; it was a very slow movie.

When nothing ever happened in the movie, I gradually understood that they weren´t playing it. They had stopped it at the very beginning where films told which studio had made the movie, except that here they´d been very careless: they´d forgotten to put the name of the studio in the picture. It was a Universal picture. I found their blunder very amusing; I felt like laughing but when I tried to do it one of the unpleasant feelings came back and I stopped.

It was such a beautiful image, though. I could watch it for hours and hours.

I slept again.

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